On somewhat dubious grounds this week, and getting a bit xykademiqz . But surely wot you really want to know… and my own personal work advice blog post. Yay! There might be a follow up post (or two) on this. But this first :
How to hit on work colleagues (by a female):
If you really do feel compelled to hit on your work colleagues, this post is for you [1,2].
Health warning! This version is based only on my recent experiences – no reading , and very little consulting with colleagues. And yes, it goes without saying, I am not really sure I should be offering it at all [3,4]. But hey, WTF:
- Consider very carefully whether your chosen person is likely to be alarmed by being hit on. If there is a possibility that they will be alarmed – don’t do it. Warning on this point – if they are junior in any way to you then they will be justifiably alarmed [3,4] – juniors are strictly off limits.
- If the person appears to be your work equal, and you are still convinced  that this is a good idea [see 4]. Then (a) convey that you are worth considering. (b) Use only words. (c) Use sentences which emphasis your own positive qualities. (d) If they are potentially interested they will pick up on this alone. And… (e) this is important, stop there.
- Know that it is 99.9999% likely that the person will not be interested. Though they might be happy to banter with you. Do not use any physically suggestive language. Never push anything. And try not be offended, whatever their reaction. For one thing, they may really not know what to say.
- Never comment on the person you are hitting on – directly or indirectly. Relationships, behaviour, physical appearances, etc.. Everything – everything – here is off limits. EVERYTHING. For both women and men.
And that’s it. Using version 1 or version 2, I think there should be no adverse outcomes for anyone. Version 2, you have simply emphasised to a colleague (who is your equal – did I happen to mention this?) that you are great. Nothing more is gonna happen, 99.9999% sure, except that they possibly got an ego boost, or possibly thought you were a bit of a prat. Maybe both. And you are both now free to pick up and continue developing your work relationship. Hooray.
 A bit of background. Growing up shy with specs meant that I was rarely hit on – but I apparently moved into the post-specs, post-children, hit-on-able category about 18 months ago. Its been an interesting time. Its definitely had a certain novelty factor – plus been something of an ego-boost (ta). If it had been happening all my life, I guess I might be grumpy about it. But it hasn’t. And I guess it will anyway stop fairly soon. Perhaps it ought to be possible to learn, in the meantime, how to deal with it with a bit more grace?
 *But* unwanted advances are frequently a problem. So, thanks to anyone who has helped me think about his i.e. hit on me recently – and yes you are probably lovely : -); you’ve also been quite helpful for enabling me to think about where some of the problems might arise (ta again).
 I work surrounded by well-meaning and skilled colleagues, and have never experienced what I would regard as a threatening advance. However, other female colleagues have told me about their experiences – which frequently have been problematic. And often seem to have been quite scarring. This blog post is, of course, not about the many serious problems that unwanted sexual advances can cause.
 Really?? Think about it!